Over the last 14 months, I have become overwhelmingly aware of the sovereignty of God.. His sovereignty in my joy and His sovereignty in my pain. Because of what I believe about God, His sovereignty in my joy and pain are simultaneous and ultimately meant to lead to the fullest joy and happiness in Him. I am confident in this. I am confident in this because after what God has allowed us to face I have to be. I have to be for the simple reason that if I didn’t believe He was working all things out to draw me more into Himself and make me more like Christ, I would believe He was disgusted with me with all that He has allowed us to go through.
That all being said, I’d like to share with you what life has looked like since March of 2013.
Lynzie and I had been trying for over a year to start a family. We longed for that. We were young and somewhat newly married but it was a great desire for us. Several have been there and know the pain of living month to month waiting on that confirmation only to be disappointed. Out of kindness, we had several people tell us we should not be worried and that our visits to the doctor were premature and we should just wait. Well come to find out, there were issues there that the doctors, through God’s grace, were able to pinpoint for us.
In March of 2013, we received a phone call from a friend of ours who is a lawyer in Ft. Smith. She had received word that a 21 year old girl was expecting a child she did not want to keep. Three months, a closet full of baby boy clothes and a newly painted blue room later, we were childless and heartbroken. After traveling the three hours to pick our little boy up, the mother decided to keep him and send us back home without a child in-tow.
About two months later, we received a call from another friend that informed us of another opportunity to adopt. In May, we met with a grandmother who had custody of her drug abusing son’s baby girl. We built a relationship with this lady and her grand-baby over the entire Summer only to get to August and find out she had chosen another family to adopt her baby. Again, this left us empty and broken-hearted.
It was September when we re-visited the doctor who told us there may be some issues worth looking into through an infertility specialist. We received our appointment and began meeting with the infertility specialist monthly. He prescribed a particular medication for us to try out and January rolled around and there was no baby.
This idea of adoption has never been a “plan B” for Lynzie and I. We knew that it was something we longed for and wanted to see happen for our family. What wasn’t quite on our radar was becoming a foster home.
One night in November, Lynzie and I came to a point that we mutually felt God was preparing our hearts for fostering. This was a difficult step for us. We wanted a family so badly and knew what the possibilities were of opening our homes and hearts up to a baby that might not stick around long. He gave us the peace and mercy to sign ourselves up for an intense, two weekend, 30+ hour training.
Through this training and some other avenues of communication, we met an incredible family. This family had a child that they had fostered for nearly 2 years and gave more love to than I could have ever imagined a foster family could give. This family would soon be saying goodbye to this child and we became interested. We looked into the possibility of adopting and finding out more information.
Three weeks later, I came home with Lynzie sitting at the kitchen table in tears. I knew something was different that day and wasn’t sure how to feel walking into our house. Sitting on the counter was a little white wand with two pink lines.
Ya. So here we were; becoming certified to become foster parents, looking forward to hearing more about the possibility of the adoption.. and pregnant.
But that is most certainly not all. One week after we found out about being pregnant, we received news that the child’s birth mother gave birth to another child. We didn’t really think a whole lot about it until the day came that DHS made a decision that whichever home the first went to, the second would as well. Our jaws dropped. Honestly, we were scared at first. Even more honestly, we said no.
Until God absolutely brought us to our knees.
We couldn’t walk away. We couldn’t deny that in January(and for all of eternity leading up to), when we said “yes” to all of this, He was shaping our hearts and our home. We couldn’t deny that he knew that for the Brewers in 2014, He wanted to overwhelm us with 3 kids. Amidst the myriads of people who give us crazy looks and thoughts, we followed Christ into this journey.
People literally have said to us that we should just enjoy our time together. I could go on a trail with that but I like to try to be level headed about the crazy things people say and do. I understand that we are not all in the same place. But I also know that carrying my cross may mean I get a few less hours of sleep a night to take care of the two souls God has now entrusted us with.. who previously had no home yet who to Him are image bearers. It was two weeks ago tomorrow that these children moved in with us and if all goes right, they will officially become part of the Brewer family by the end of 2014.
Over the last year, I have learned something invaluable. It at times has been a heart-wrenching, temper tantrum throwing lesson. But this runs through my mind over and over and I wish I knew who to cite: “God will not protect us from anything that will make us more like Christ.” How true. How true that has become for me. How true that has become for my household. Whether that comes in the form of constant disappointment or overwhelming joy!
God is good in our heartbreak and in our rejoicing. God actually intends for us to see these two things with the same goal in mind: to make us more like Jesus.